


why aren't you scared of me?

by MythologicalHoe



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 1880s, Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters, F/M, Fake Mythical Russia Like Elements, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Inspired by King of Scars, Kings & Queens, Magic, Monster Kylo Ren, Monsters, inspired by the grishaverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-10-22 01:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17653847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythologicalHoe/pseuds/MythologicalHoe
Summary: Ben is the King of Corellia, but he has a secret. At night he turns into a monster, one of shadow, bone, and feather. Rey is the General of his army. She's one of only three that knows his secret.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the Grishaverse and everything Leigh Bardugo, but won't be point for point like this. Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are brothers in this fic so I guess that this is Breylo? Get ready for some angst, boys.

When the dust cleared, all that was left was darkness and sand. Rey’s whole body felt like it was on fire, but still she knew that she had to get up. The thing that ultimately helped her was seeing the fallen body of Ben Solo behind her. She pressed her lips together, stifling the pain in her abdomen as she rushed over to his side. He looked like the boy that he once was before all this happened. Rey brushed a gloved hand over his forehead that trailed down to his neck. He was definitely still breathing. That was a relief to say the least. “Ben,” Her voice was hoarse. “Ben, you have to wake up.” His eyes fluttered open and his vision focused.

“Rey?” He sounded happy, like he hadn’t seen her in years. In a way that had been true. “Oh my god, Rey.” He got up to hug her and she let it happen. Everyone else was picking up their pieces right now. He was starting to cry now. Rey could understand why. 

“There’s no need for that now,” She said. She pushed away from him for a second so she could see him. “There’s no need for that. You need to be strong, okay?” 

“What-- where are we?” Rey knew that it would be best if she just showed him straight up what happened, he had missed a lot. It wasn’t his fault, and she knew that he wouldn’t be exactly thrilled with the news that she was about to put on him. 

“The Fold,” Rey said. 

“But--” No more shadows. No more darkness.

“It’s over.” 

“Oh,” He paused, looking around, “and...” And Kylo. And his brother. Where was he? He was the one that had brought all this disaster upon them, he needed to pay, but Ben had always been kind. He didn’t want to have to make him pay. He would’ve let Kylo go in exile, even though Kylo had tortured him so mercilessly. 

“There’s no need to ask those questions, my King.” She said. “No need at all.” She grabbed him by his hands as they started to walk. “Don’t look down.” Don’t look at the body of your brother, lying there in the sand. Don’t think about the fact that I killed him, even though you know that’s what happened. You know I was the only one who had the strength to do such a terrible thing. 

Rey saw him bite his lip as the realization dawned on his face. She had killed his older brother, making him the King. He didn’t look down, like she had asked him, but when he was out of sight of others and in a tent by himself, he cried so hard. He thought that no one else could hear him, but Rey was stationed out there for half of the night. She heard all of it. She tried to make her heart made of stone, but it was more like glass tonight. It was already broken from what she had to do. Kylo was losing control of his own mind and it was only going to get worse if she didn’t put a stop to it. 

Rey entered the tent. He stopped crying. Rey sat down next to him, only the flicker of a candle lit up his face. “Do you think me a monster?” She said. 

“No,” He said. “It had to be done.” 

“So, you forgive me.” 

“I could never be mad at you to begin with.” He tried his best to smile at her. To put on that brave and arrogant smirk that she had seen on him so often. “My ruthless soldier,” 

 _I’m not yours._ She refrained herself from cringing at the nickname both he and his brother had used on her before. She hated it, but Ben was upset and she would take it for right now if it meant that she could cheer him up a bit. “I should get back to my station.” She said. 

“Can’t you be at your station in here?” 

“The point of being at my station is to make sure that you’re safe, my king.”

“It’s safe. He’s dead.” Rey had to concede.

“Only for ten more minutes.” She said. “Then I must go back to doing my job. We ride back to the castle in the morning.” 

* * *

 

Rey woke from her unrestful slumber when it was still dark out. Someone was knocking at her door, it sounded urgent. She got up, realizing she was still in her uniform, and opened the door. Poe was standing there and he looked worried. “Ben’s gotten out again.” That same sense of dread that was on Poe’s face pooled in Rey’s stomach. 

“How?” 

“I don’t know. He broke the locks.” 

“That’s just fucking wonderful.” Rey went back to her bedside and picked up her boots before running out. “Has anyone else seen him?” 

“No,” Poe said, “there’s a storm tonight. It’s too dark.” 

“Did you see where he was going?” 

“He was headed west,” The good thing about that is there was nothing out west but some sheep and cattle. She would be able to get there when he turned back to a human and get him home. 

“Get the coach,” She said. “No one else needs to know about this.” 

“Right.” Poe said. It had been around three years since Ben had been tortured by his brother, three years since his brother had cursed him to become a monster. Rey thought that when she killed Kylo she had vanquished that darkness that had corrupted Ben and plagued him so. Apparently, she had not. (That just made her feel more incompetent than anything else, and it was bugging her so much. That and the guilt.) The last few months, this affliction had started to flare up again and Rey, Poe, and Finn were the only three people who knew about it thankfully. 

If any of the citizens of Corellia had figured out that this monster stealing sheep from their lands was their king then there would be riots and blood in the streets. So, Rey always had a cover. At the most, the King had a bad immune system and would get sick and had to go bed early and stay there for long periods of time. Everyone always seemed to believe it when he had to cut meetings short. Rey’s charm and ability to run an army and a kingdom without him was enough to keep this kingdom afloat, but something told her that it wouldn’t be able to last forever.

Rey wasn’t as strong as she used to be. 

* * *

 

When Ben woke up, he was in a barn house and Rey was sitting next to him, whistling merrily. He could tell that she was mad, frustrated even. He looked down to see he had been wrapped up in some sort of chain that was probably used for a pulley system somewhere. “Thank goodness Corellia still has money,” Rey said when she noticed that he was awake. 

“You nearly took a kid’s head off.” 

“Where are we?” 

“The farm territory,” Rey said. “Poor kid was checking on the barn house, thought he accidentally left it unlocked during the storm when you came in here. Luckily you had two hundred credits in your back pocket so I gave it to the kid. He looked like he had just won the lottery.” 

“I trust you’ll reimburse me for that,” 

“You’re the king.” Rey rolled her eyes. “Reimburse yourself.”

“Can you unlock me?” 

“Are you going to try and eat me?” He knew that she was joking. 

“You don’t strike me as the tasty type of person I would eat for a snack.” Rey hopped down off the haystack that she was sitting off and unlocked him, helping him up. She yawned, stretching her arms back. 

“This isn’t doing anything good for my beauty.” 

“I think exhaustion suits you quite well, adds a nice pallor to your skin.” 

“You’re very funny.” It was quite evident that she really wanted to give him a kick in the shin right now. 

“Sorry, General.” He said. “Not everyone gets the genius of my comedian nature.” Rey opened the door to the barn house, it was definitely still storming outside, but it was lighter than it had been that night when she had locked him in. 

“Come on, Poe’s waiting.” 

“Great, couldn’t you have just come here yourself?” 

“And endure your miserable company.” She said it with the sweetest smile on her face. Rey was the type of person that was deadly and beautiful and you could never really tell if she was insulting you because she hated your guts or she cared about you so much that you annoyed the shit out of her.  _The time to really be scared,_ Kylo had said,  _is when she doesn’t call you an idiot at least once._

_I don’t want you in my head._

_I will always be here. I am the better one of the two of us after all._ Ben shook his head and followed her out to the coach. She got into the back of it with him and Ben phased out Poe asking him if he was okay and then turning to ask Rey when he didn’t answer the question. Rey sighed, telling him that he was, and they started the hour-long journey back to the palace. 

“How did you find me?” He asked. He knew that once, Rey might have been able to do so. She was one of the few here that could do multiple things within the realm of magic. Most people had a certain station that they were beholden to, but Rey had been a jack of all trades, able to bend light, heal and kill with the wave of her hand, and even somewhat manipulate the elements. 

Then Kylo happened. Ben wasn’t the only one who had things taken from him. Rey had suffered a great price as well, although she liked to pretend like she never lost anything from the war. “Woke Finn up, he tracked the air patterns.”

“That explains it,” Rey nodded and smiled at him. 

“Let’s just forget what happened for now.” She said. “I can have Paige make a stronger sedative for you later.” Ben shuddered at that. He knew that he needed it, and Rey wanted nothing else than to help, but he still hated those sedatives. He didn’t want to admit to her that he didn’t take the full dose that was needed for him to go fully under. She would murder him right on the spot and he wouldn’t blame her for it. 

“Right,” He said. “What time is it?” He was trying to change the subject.

“Six,” As if right on cue, Rey’s stomach rumbled. Rey was like clockwork every day. She ate and had tea every day at six o’clock every morning, and six o’clock at night every night. 

“Well, I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” 

“I know how murderous you are without your breakfast.” 

“Screw you too,” She smirked at him. 

“You know you love me.” 

“If you weren’t the king, I wouldn’t mind kicking you in the shin.” Spoken like they were kids playing make believe knights again. He loved that. 

“My ruthless soldier,” He said, “you could never hurt me.” 

“I absolutely could.” Rey said. “I would just feel slightly bad about it later.” 

* * *

Rey, Kylo, and Ben had known each other since childhood. Kylo would always brag about how he was older than Ben despite the fact that he and Ben were twins. He said those two minutes were thing that made him more eligible to the crown. Rey was one of the orphans that lived in the Academy, a place where ‘gifted young boys' and girls’ learned and trained so they could be part of their army.

Rey and Ben were friends, but oh Kylo and Rey connected faster than anything. Maybe it was because Kylo had powers, like Rey. He could bend darkness to his will, could manipulate the wind too. He and Rey were the only ones that could handle the duality of multiple types of magic. “You’re amazing.” Kylo’s eyes sparkled with darkness. Rey loved him so, so much. She should have been scared of him.

“Any reason why I’m amazing?” Rey was eighteen then, a naïve girl who wanted the approval the man that she had spent most of her life with. 

“I have a list.” 

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Kylo Ren.” 

“You’re powerful,” He started, “you’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re good in a fight.” 

“Sounds like you just listed your qualities,” Rey looked out at the moon and the stars. They were so beautiful tonight. It made him look more beautiful tonight. 

“Maybe it’s because we have a lot in common.” Kylo’s lips curled up in a smirk, Rey’s eyes focused on the scar that bisected his face. She wanted to kiss it so badly, she hated herself for it. For wanting that weakness. “My Rey,” He reached out to stroke her face, and the dream dissolved.

* * *

 

Rey woke up but she couldn’t move. It was unfortunate that it happened so much, the sleep paralysis that she had to endure was intense to say the least. Her eyes were the only thing that could move. They shifted to the dark mass in the corner of the room. For one second Rey thought that Ben had gotten out. But she knew who that was all too well.  _“Do you mourn for me still?”_  Rey’s blood ran cold. “ _Or do you just miss the power that I brought out from you?_ ” 

In times like these, Rey felt absolutely helpless. She closed her eyes and focused her energy on something else. “ _You can’t escape me, Rey.”_ Move, move a pinky. Rey put all her energy into that. Trying to ignore the taunts of this waking nightmare.

* * *

 

Rey woke up. She wasn’t in her room though; her head was bent over at her desk and Finn came in the room. “You okay?” There was something in her expression that was probably concerning him. 

“Yeah, just tired.” 

“I can only imagine.” He told her. “Ben requested your presence for lunch.” 

“I don’t have the time for that, I’m running a school and an army at the same time.” 

“I’m your second in command, Rey. I can take over for an hour and a half. Unless you want me to tell him that you’re tired and retired to your chambers?” While that was tempting, she knew that Ben didn’t have much company nowadays when he wasn’t in political meetings or getting asked by Paige and Rose (and sometimes Rey) when he was going to take a wife.

“No, no. I’ll go. Thank you.” She said. 

“Of course,” Finn said. “Now go enjoy yourself with your kingly boyfriend.” She scrunched her face up. 

“You know that he doesn’t like me like that.” 

“ _Sure,_ _арахис_ _.”_

 _“_ You’re insufferable, Finn.”

“Love you too, Rey.” 


	2. misery loves company, especially on birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the love on the first chapter

Kylo Ren’s version of hell was being stuck with Luke Skywalker with eternity. He supposed that they both had some sin that died before they had the chance to repent. Kylo tried to destroy the world and Luke tried to kill Kylo when he was an innocent. They were watching Ben get locked in to the bed by Rey right now. “You’re not even remorseful about this, are you?” 

“Are you remorseful about trying to kill me when I just came out of my mother’s womb and then lying about it when I didn’t drown?” Luke didn’t answer. “This is far less a crime than anything else that I have ever done, so the answer is no. I’m not remorseful and he’s just being a big baby about it.”  

“That’s rich coming from you.”  

“Don’t you have a priest to haunt or something?”  

“I think you just don’t like the fact that no matter what you do, Rey is up there of her own volition, paying more attention to your little brother than to you.” He was right. She was supposed to be his, but things backfired miserably.  

“She’s miserable.” Without her power, Rey was lost. Without him, Rey was lost. 

“She’s learning to live.”  

* * *

 

Ben knew that Rey was tired of doing this. She locked him in every night, she was usually still doing her job and this was an inconvenience to her. She still put on a smile and tried to comfort him. This night she brought a small bottle with her. The sedative she said that she would have Paige make stronger. “I can take that myself.” He said.  

“Don’t pretend like I don’t know what happened, Ben.” She said. “I looked at your other bottle. You didn’t take the proper amount.” Ben thought that she would be mad at him for that. She was probably too tired for that. “I know that you don’t like it, but it’s for your safety.” 

“Right,” He said, “my safety involves feeling like I’m being drown each night.” 

“That’s a tad dramatic,” Rey picked up the dropper and sucked it up. “Open up.” He was all locked in. Rey dripped the liquid into his mouth and he already felt himself drifting away. He fought it for another second as Rey stared down at him. Her face was the last thing he saw before he drifted away. He liked it like that. 

* * *

 

Ben Solo had always had a schoolboy sort of crush on Rey since the day that he and Kylo snuck out to the Academy to play with the kids. Kylo had met Rey first, he was so excited for Ben to meet her too. “She’s like me, she doesn’t just have one power.” Ben wanted to go. He rarely ever saw his brother so happy.  

Rey had made him really happy. That’s why he had stepped back for his brother, because he thought that if his brother could find some happiness, he would be able to stop this darkness that was inside him. It didn’t though. Ben was sent away to go to school and after a while he dropped out, sailing the seas as a pirate while paying off the Dean to say that he was doing excellent with his studies and he was so immersed in them that Leia and Han couldn’t see him.  

Somewhere in there though, something happened to Kylo, and when Ben came back for a visit, he caught Rey and Kylo crying in the corner of a hallway away from everyone else. He didn’t want to intrude, but it was tempting to listen in on what was happening. “You have to tell someone,” Rey told him. “He can’t get away with this.”  

“He’s teaching me new things, Rey. I can’t just give that up.”  

“I don’t like you being hurt with this.” Ben thought that maybe he shouldn’t be listening in on this conversation. He pretended to turn the corner unsuspectingly, and both Kylo and Rey turned around. Rey wiped her tears and smiled. “Ben! When did you get here?”  

“Earlier today.” He said. “I was told that you were busy with Academy things so I just thought that I would wait until later to trouble you.”  

“You’re no trouble.” Rey broke away from Kylo and Ben could see the hurt on his face. He didn’t mean for that to happen. “My two favorite people are here.” She beamed, and Kylo tried to wipe the look off his face. He could feel him staring daggers into Ben’s soul though. “How’ve your studies been going?”  

“Yeah,” Kylo cocked his head to the side, “how are they going?”  

“Kylo,” Rey hissed. 

“What? Rey, you know he’s not still at the school. You went yourself.”  

Shit. Rey looked at him for a minute, probably telling him to shut the hell up. “Okay, yeah. Kylo and I were going to schedule a day to get you away and just have a picnic and catch up. So, I went, and I couldn’t find you anywhere and your former roommate said that you hadn’t been there in a year.”  

“Do Mom and Dad know?”  

“No,” Rey said, “I would never.”  

“I was tempted.”  

“I told him that I would stab him myself if he did.” Rey said. She still had a smile on her face. Rey was like that. “Because whatever the reason was for you leaving, I figured that you weren’t really fit for it. You always told me you wanted to go sailing anyways.” That was something that only she knew.  

“Thank you, really. The both of you.” 

“Should we go to the observatory? Watch some stars, go catch up?”  

“He’s probably tired,” Kylo was still glowering at him, but Ben didn’t back down from that offer. He hadn’t seen Rey in ages.  

“I’d love that.”  

* * *

 

There were certain days where Rey was late to unlock Ben out of his bed. This was one of those days. Rey always woke up at five to unlock him, and then went to have breakfast and tea. It was eight and Ben felt nauseous as the sedative was wearing off. “You’re late.”  

“You know how murderous I am on an empty stomach.”  

“Later than usual, even when you are late.”  

“It’s his birthday.” Ben completely forgot.  

“Oh,”  

“It’s okay,” He should remember his own brother’s birthday. Kylo hated birthdays. Ben loved them, they were the only times that Leia and Han paid him much attention, despite the time that they pointed out his flaws.  

“No it’s not,” This monster was messing with his brain. Rey unlocked the locks and then the straps on his bed. “You can have the rest of the day off.”  

“With all due respect, my King, I would rather have more work to do.”  

“Right.” Rey hated to stay still. He knew that from long nights scouting out the land for Kylo’s soldiers with her. Her staying watch but squirming the whole time. “Then let’s deal with the fact that there’s probably going to be some rioting today.” Over the past three years, a priest had started getting the people to rise against him because of the fact that he would not name his brother a saint.  

“The Starless One sacrificed everything for what he believed in.” The priest called. Rey muttered something about the fact that she should have killed him a long time ago, Ben wondered what she meant by that. The two of them walked through the hallway to the throne room, knowing that Paige, Rose, Finn and Poe would all be there waiting to talk about the catastrophe that was about to go down. “He deserves to be a saint due to his martyrdom.”  

“Martyrdom implies that he died heroically,” Rey would say as she listened to the protest. “He died pathetically.” Ben knew that she pretended that she was glad that Kylo was gone, and Ben was sure that sometimes that she was, but he had heard her voice shake when she talked about him. He had seen her whispering in the places that Kylo and her used to hide away like she was talking to him.  

“Ah, taking a late nap, King?” Paige didn’t know about the monster, or the fact that Rey had to get him out of bed each day.  

“Wasn’t particularly keen on waking up today,” He said.  

“Yes, well not all of us can sleep in.” Finn said. He looked grumpy, and Ben wondered what he had to listen to when he was keeping watch on his door that night. He had to remember to thank Finn for that some time.  

“Right, so riots. What’s going on right now?”  

“There’s an influx of immigrants at the gate.” Poe was sitting with his feet up on the chair next to him. It was relatively unprofessional, but Ben wasn’t in the mood to correct one of his soldier’s bad behavior. Rey glaring at him got him to sit up straight.  “They’re holding signs and talking about how you don’t have the stones to listen to your people. It’s really funny, considering some of the people down there don’t even live in Corellia.” 

“All the same,” Ben said, “we need to figure out what to deal about that problem.”  

“We could just kill them.” Rey said blandly. “Would take the Heartrenders about five minutes, have some clean up and they’d be gone in another ten.” Ruthless. Ben shuddered, sometimes he was reminded that Rey and Kylo did have a lot in common. Rey was more caring, but certainly able to be cold and kill people that she deemed dangerous to the crown.  

“No,” He said.  

“Well we can’t exactly consider their requests.” Rey told him. “Naming him a saint would start a Holy War.” And Rey would kill Ben personally, he knew that. 

“My brother tries to destroy the country and I’m the one who’s criticized and wanted dead.” He stared out the window glumly. “While he’s trying to get elevated to sainthood. What’s the point of sainthood anyway?”  

“Rey’s a saint, technically.” Poe chimed in. “I mean everyone outside of the people who work in the Castle and the students in the Academy think she’s dead. She’s worshipped and everything. The saint of the Sun and the Heart.” Rey rolled her eyes.  

“I really don’t want to be reminded of that right now,” She said. 

“Well we can’t exactly consider their requests.” Rey told him. “Naming him a saint would start a Holy War.” And Rey would kill Ben personally, he knew that. 

“My brother tries to destroy the country and I’m the one who’s criticized and wanted dead.” He stared out the window glumly. “While he’s trying to get elevated to sainthood. What’s the point of sainthood anyway?”  

“Rey’s a saint, technically.” Poe chimed in. “I mean everyone outside of the people who work in the Castle and the students in the Academy think she’s dead. She’s worshipped and everything. The saint of the Sun and the Heart.” Rey rolled her eyes.  

“I really don’t want to be reminded of that right now,” She said. That memory was painful.  

“Right, sorry.”  

“What are we going to do if we’re not going to kill the cult people?”  

“We could -” Rey started, Ben knew what she was trying to lead to and he really didn’t want to hear it. Not now of all times.  

“No,”  

“You didn’t even let her finish her sentence,” Rose said.  

“Rey wants me to take a wife to make me seem more...”  

“Personable.”  

“Right, personable.”  

“Well I mean you still have all of your teeth.” Paige said. “It’s the perfect time to take a wife, and we can get all the royal bachelorettes and gather them for a great festival. With tea and sweets and art and games and --”  

“No,”  

“How do you know if you don’t try?” Rey hissed. “You need a wife, war is always a potential and we need allies Ben.”  

“Are you looking at any eligible bachelor Generals from different lands, Rey?” He didn’t think that this comment would bite, but he saw everyone else wince when he said that.  _ It’s Kylo’s birthday. He was born at eleven fifty-eight, and Rey loved him to pieces before she had to kill him.  _

“No.”  For a second, Ben felt his heart drop like she had sunk his heart rate himself, but that was not possible. She didn’t have her powers anymore. It was just the power of her glare that made him feel that. Still he carried on.  

“Right,” He stared at her pointedly as she got up from her seat. 

“I’m going to the Academy,” She said, “the twelve year olds discuss strategy better than you.”  

“Well that wasn’t ideal.”  

“Yeah, it really wasn’t.” Both Poe and Finn seemed pissed.  

“I should go apologize to her,”  

“Let her cool down.” Rose said. “It’ll be better that way, then apologize to her. Right.”  

* * *

 

When Kylo was alive, he knew how to calm Rey down when she got mad. He knew how to say whatever she wanted to hear, and she didn’t know that he was manipulating her.  _ You really think that it was all manipulation.  _ It was easier to tell herself that it was all manipulation. That way she didn’t miss him, didn’t miss her old self and her power. Rey closed her eyes before she entered the Academy.  

Here was the place that she calmed down now. The kids adored her here, when she occasionally taught sparring classes, they learned in a way that the other instructors could not teach. She would ignore Ben here. “Miss Rey!” One of the girls, Oksana, a manipulator and summoner of the elements attached herself to the General’s hip.  

“Oksana!” Phasma shouted. “Get back in line. Affection is shown outside of class only.”  

“Do what she says.” Rey gave the girl a small smile as she got back into line.  

“You can go a little easy on them,”   

“You must be in a fairly bad mood,” Phasma said. “Lethe, Remmy, you two are the next two to spar. Show us what you’ve learned, remember this a place where you don’t use your power. It’s not always there to help you.”  _ Yes, it won’t always be there.  _ Rey sometimes imagined that her powers were still there, and had to remind myself that that part of her died with the part of her that thought that she might find love with Kylo.  

She was grown up and she couldn’t be the same hero anymore. Rey watched the sparring happen until Oksana and her partner, the fight was going well. Oksana was a small girl, even for her age of fifteen, she was scrawny like Rey was when she that age and looked younger. The thing that made Rey scared for the girl was the size of the other, but the other girl was slower.  

Oksana had an advantage there.  

She had been pushed one too many times though, and Oksana flicked her hands out, a gust of strong air blowing the other girl a significant way up before falling to the ground and grunting. Rey and Phasma got out of their chairs, running to the two girls. The children were all chattering as the commotion started. “Everyone quiet!” Phasma barked. “Is this the way you act around your General? I think not.” That got everyone to shut up. Rey went to Oksana.  

“What were you thinking?” The girl’s ears were turning red. 

“I had a way to win and get this all over with,” She said.

“Cheating is not the way to win, what if you’re injured and too weak to use your power? You need to know how to fight, even without the power that you have.”  

“It’s not like you understand!” She shouted at Rey. Rey felt her anger rising at that moment. She didn’t tolerate disrespect of such nature, even from a kid that she liked. “You haven’t used your power in three years! You don’t know what it’s like! We’re training for something that’s never going to happen, so why does it matter if I cheat? -” Before Oksana could say anything else, Rey straightened up and got really quiet.  

Most everyone shut up.  

“I mean, she’s right.” Another kid said. “With all due respect, General. You’re not one of us anymore. You shouldn’t be leading us.”  

_ With me, you had power. None of them would talk to you like this.  _

_ “ _ I want whoever had said that to do one hundred pushups right now.”  

“The King!” Rey turned to see Ben enter the room. She really didn’t need this right now. “I’m sure that I don’t have to say this for myself, but the General is one of the best military minds across the seven seas. She has earned her place here and she is spending her time gracing you with her presence. I suggest that you apologize to her for how rudely you have behaved today.Including you, Oksana. You don’t get a pass for being one of her favorites.”  

“I’m sorry,” Oksana mumbled. It didn’t sound genuine. Rey didn’t care.  

“I want everyone to know that serving your country is an honor, even if we aren’t on the immediate brink of war. There are multiple places in the military that aren’t fighting on the front lines, but sparring is a necessary thing to learn regardless. Even if you never see war, I pray you don’t by the way, what if you get attacked in the streets when you leave a bar? What if someone tries to rob you? What if you run across slavers? You are privileged enough to live in a place where you are not in immediate danger, but you could be some day and I will not always be there to help. Phasma will not always be able to help. You need to learn this, and you can’t always count on your power.” She turned without another word, Phasma murmuring apologies to her, glaring at Oksana, and Rey walked out. Ben was right on her.  

“Rey.”  

“I need to go punch something and I’m really not in the mood to hear it from you, Ben.”  

“Rey, I need to apologize.” He ran down the hallway following her. “How can you walk so fast in heels, kriff I don’t get it.”  

Rey hated today. She hated Kylo’s birthday so much. She hated Kylo so much.  _ You do? “ _ Leave me alone!”  _ Ah, you do. _

“Rey, I don’t like fighting with you. Please just... please. I’m sorry for what I said earlier. It was insensitive.” Rey took a deep breath in through her nose and out through her mouth.  _ Don’t show him that you’re upset, put on a brave face for him. That way he stays happy.  _

_ “ _ I forgive you.” He smiled.  

“Really?”  

“Really,”  

“Good.”  

“Now,” Rey said, “about earlier.”  

“Rey -”  

“You owe it to me to consider my options.”  

“What if there’s a third option?”  

“Ben, these are the best two options, there’s not always a compromise to this sort of thing and if we wait too long to make a decision, the cult will get stronger and I don’t want a reminder of your brother right at the castle gates  _ again.  _ That would not be ideal.”  

“You’re right,” He said, “and if this third plan doesn’t work, we can do your second option, but killing all of them will just make martyrs, and there will be more. We’re not desperate enough to kill them yet.” 

Rey groaned, already forgetting the incident at the Academy because of Ben’s stupidity. Maybe he meant it that way. “What’s the third plan?”  

“Befriend the young upstart monk, Mitaka. He claims a lot but is fairly weak willed. We pump him dry for information and then we have the best way to nonviolently get rid of this cult.”  _ Snoke raising a cult in my name,  _ Kylo’s voice was like ice in her mind,  _ while I like the sentiment and the attention, the person heading it is... not ideal to say the least. I hoped you would have killed him by now, Rey. After all, that’s what you do best.  _

“I hate that plan.” She should have killed Snoke right after she killed Kylo, but she was too weak. Snoke had powers after all, Rey was a skilled power, but no match for him without it.  

“Why?”  

Ben didn’t know. Kylo had told her that she didn’t want him to. There was a point where Kylo had actually cared about how he looked to his brother, he didn’t want his brother to pity him, he’d rather Ben have a role model. Rey should tell him now, because Kylo’s dead. This voice in her head is just a voice, Kylo won’t actually be mad. He’s long gone by now. “Too much potential for things to go wrong.” She told him. “Someone could get hurt.”  

“And then you’ll be able to tell me I told you so and I will find a ditzy wife that I am miserable with for the rest of my life.”  

“I do love saying I told you so.” Rey shrugged.  

“Will you just trust me?”  

“Every time you say that disaster happens,”  

“Again, the opportunity to say I told you so.”  

“Right,” Rey wanted to change the subject. “About your birthday tomorrow.”  

“Yes, I don’t want to celebrate this year. Too much going on.”  

“You’re going to be turning twenty-five, Ben. Come on.”  

“The only celebration I want is with you.” Rey wrinkled her nose.  

“I’m not good company.” She told him.  

“That’s right.” He said. “Because you’re more than good company, you are the best company in all the seven seas and all the stars, you’re my best friend and my most feared General. You are also my personal advisor and the only person that doesn’t put up with my shit. I just want a cupcake with you. That’s all.”  

“Right,” Rey said, “I suppose that that could be arranged.” She couldn’t help but smile. 

He knew exactly what to say sometimes, Rey hated that and loved that about him at the same time. She couldn’t wait for the next day to come.  

* * *

 

It was night, and whilst Ben was looking forward to spending a little bit more time with Rey, he felt that familiar dread come over him as Rey was strapping him in. “How’s my ruthless general doing?”  

“You’re insufferable.”  

“I know.”  

“I need sleep.”  

“I can only imagine.” Rey had a new strap fastened around his lower hands so it was harder for him to thrash and then put the cuffs on over that too. “Just in case the sedative is not enough.”  

“I’m sure that the sedative will be enough.” She snapped the last one shut and leaned back. Before she could get out the bottle, he said, “Can you stay?” Rey stared at him for a minute.  

“Actually, no. I don’t want you to see me like that. Nevermind.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. 

“You know that I’ve seen you like that before.” She said. “I can stay.” Ben felt her hand in his, rubbing circles into the little exposed bit of his palm. “I wouldn’t mind.”  

“You’d be scared,”  

“No I wouldn’t.” Rey said. “If you really want, Ben.”  

“I -”  

He hesitated enough for Rey go to his closet and pull out a spare sheet and pillow. She put it on the futon next to the bed and set it up before coming back to him. “I’ll stay here for the night.” She said. He wanted to protest more but realized that she wasn’t going to concede. The two of them ended up talking for another hour before Rey administered the sedative, and he fell asleep.  


	3. a slow moment

Rey held Ben to his word. There was no celebration, but she had the chef make two cupcakes and took it to his room before unlocking him and waiting for him to wake up. It took a second for him to wake up and Rey cracked a smile. “Wake up, sleepyhead.” She said. He pushed himself up. “Congratulations, you’re one year older.” She presented him with his cupcake and a candle and watched him blow it out.  

“What did you wish for?”  

“I can’t tell you that.” He said. He didn’t smile too often, so Rey took the smile on his face as a small victory. “Maybe I already have it.” Rey didn’t respond to that. The two of them just dug into their cupcakes. They ate in silence, and when Rey was done, she gave him a hug. It was so unlike her to even touch other people, but she felt like it needed to be done. “What’s this for?”  

“For not blowing the country up yet?” She said. That gained some laughter from him. She pushed away and smiled at him the best that she could. Today was going to be a good day for him, even if she wasn’t feeling so great. He seemed to realize that there was something wrong though, because there was a flicker of something else on his face. Maybe it was sympathy.  

“Can you do me a favor?”  

“What do you need, my king?”  

“I need you to take the rest of the day off. To have some rest, we can manage well for twenty-four hours.” Rey was going to open her mouth to protest when Ben continued. “We’re not going to replace you in twenty-four hours. It will be fine. Trust me, okay?” Her mouth went into a hardline and she turned, slamming the door behind her as she left his room. She knew that she wasn’t going to win the argument between her and between her and Ben.  

He thought that he was doing her a mercy, letting her take the day off. Poor overworked Rey. Poor, human, weak, Rey.  _ You had power with me. You know that you did. I know that you miss it. You miss me.  _ Kylo was right about one thing, Rey missed her power. She didn’t miss him. She wouldn’t let herself miss Kylo. Not anymore.  _ You may deny it, but I know the truth. You’re lost without me.  _ Rey made her way to her room calmly and then locked the door behind her. She had nothing else to do but to lay down on her bed and close her eyes.  

She would not weep.  

She would not shed a tear.  

Not for her powers and certainly not for Kylo Ren.  

There were better things for her to do, and that included sleeping the day away until Ben came and got her to lock him up. She should take this as a blessing. She should lay down and let her muscles rest. She remembered the days that she didn’t use to sleep as much as she did. Her body was able to go on a lot longer with her power in her. She was stronger then.  

One of the many things that she knew come with her sacrifice, a lesser lifespan. People with her power could live for hundreds of years, now she was as mortal as they come, and it was painful to admit that a vain part of her hated that. She always chastised that part of her. It was disgusting, to think that part of that selfish girl that had allowed herself to fall for a mass murderer would still be within her. She should be okay with the sacrifice she made. 

She wasn’t though.  

She fell asleep for about ten minutes before someone knocked on the door. “Oh thank god.”  

“The pilgrims are attacking the outer wall.” Poe said. Rey got up and started to come out of the room.  

“Well, that military solution that Ben really wasn’t looking forward to is probably going to happen.” Rey said. “What of the snipers?”  

“Ben hasn’t given the word yet,”  

“Tell them I give the word.”  

“No,” Ben was right behind her, she nearly jumped out of her skin. “You’re not giving them the word, I don’t need some martyrdom happening today. It’s my birthday.”  

“Then pray tell what you’re going to do.” Rey said. “Because if this gets out of hand, it’s a threat to your health and I will personally put down anyone that looks at you the wrong way.”  

“While I like your attitude and loyalty, Rey. We can save this situation a lot earlier. We have to listen to the people, give them reason to calm down. Give them food. Let them have court sessions here, I will listen to their problems.”  

“I hate you,” Rey hissed. “You make much more of a challenge out of that.”  

“You love challenges,” Ben said.  

“You love to give me heart failure.”  

“Will you two stop bickering so we can just get this done?” Poe sneered. Rey rolled her eyes and followed him. She gave Ben a piercing glare, and it let him know that he would pay for all the trouble that this was about to give her later. Even though Rey was saying that she was going to disregard his orders, she didn’t. She never did.  

Loyalty to her country.  

And the ability to say I told you so.  

She loved the ability to say I told you so.  

* * *

“He should have killed all of them,” Kylo said blandly. “This is really anticlimactic.”  

“What, deescalating a situation?” Luke said. “He’s a better king than you could have ever been.” If Luke had said that when either of them were alive, Kylo would have killed him right there on the spot.  

“He’s still a kid, and Rey knows that too. She would have been a better ruler than him.” Luke did not disagree with that statement.  

“I wonder if she’s going to tell Ben about Snoke.”  

“Not if she has any respect for me.”  

“If she had respect for you, she would tell him.”  

“He doesn’t need to know what happened then.” Kylo said. He rubbed his hands at his temples. This really was hell. He deserved to be here. Deserved not being able to ever change or right his wrongs – not that he was starting to feel bad about them.  


	4. The Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So starting this chapter, I am going to be starting a thing where I am only going to update when I get five comments. This will apply to every chapter. If you like this fanfiction, share, comment, I would like your opinion on it.

“He’s out,” Rey had gotten about an hour of sleep after listening to all the pilgrim’s complaints and wanting to kill Ben for giving her a migraine. Still, she shot out of bed like she was fully energized. Finn was panting. He looked like he was going to throw up.  

“What? How?” Ben had been given a sedative that could kill a horse, was chained to the bed, and strapped down. He shouldn’t have been able to get out. He shouldn’t have been able to break the restraints. “What happened? How did he break the locks?” 

“They weren’t broken.”  

“Someone unlocked him.”  

“No, no one entered the room. Both Poe and I were posted there, he can vouch to this.” Now Rey felt like she was going to throw up, she pulled on her boots and her gown. There was no way that the monster could have unlocked all those locks. She reckoned that she couldn’t dwell on it for too long though. She needed to get to him.  

“Where did he go?”  

“To the bell tower,”  

“Saints, why the belltower?”  

“I don’t know.”  

“I have to get there, before he’s seen. Make sure and get the tranquilizers. Be quiet and be quick about it. We don’t want to provoke him.” Rey ran.  

* * *

 

Rey had always loved to be high up. It was something that only Kylo Ren really knew about her. When Ben was being a pirate on the seven seas under the pretense of studying abroad, Rey had taken up an extra hobby. Aerial dancing. It was something that she loved so much, being up high above everyone else, able to twirl around and be something beautiful. Something that Kylo approved of. She did it more, because she so desperately desired his approval.  

Now that she was up on the gabled roof of the belltower, looking down, she took no appreciation in heights. The light drizzle of rain was also making her uneasy. She held a plate with a wax candle in one hand and stared up at the very top of the roof.  

He was there. She bit her lip and called up to him. “Ben!” She hissed. She didn’t want anyone else to see her up there with him. “Ben! Saints, you need to get down here. Right now.” She doubted that he understood her. The monster did not speak. The monster did not think. He only killed. But the shadow lowered himself ever so slightly and a chill went through Rey’s bones.  

This is Ben. She had to remind herself. Ben Solo was scared of hurting anyone. He would not hurt her. Even in this form.  _ You thought the same of me, how did that end up for you?  _

Ben Solo, the boy who threw himself at his own brother because he thought he was about to hurt her. Ben, the one that always looked so sad when Kylo would sweep her away to certain corners to talk of powers. She always wondered why he was so sad. He lowered himself more, but didn’t come to her. She tried something else.  

“Puppy,” She uttered in Russian, “come here.” It was his childhood nickname. One that she hadn’t used in years, but part of it worked. The shadowy mass moved closer and closer and Rey felt herself remembering who she was. Remembering why she was not afraid. He stopped right in front of her. She could see Finn and Poe starting to come up the roof. She had to stall.  

“You will stay here.” She said. Her voice was firm as she tried to stay calm. To not lend any curiosity that could hurt Finn or Poe. “Stay, looking at me. My dear King. Right now, you take my orders.” It seemed that he was smiling. Dark obsidian skin and leathery wings spread, like he was ready for attack. But he did not attack. Instead that smile widened as his eyes widened. 

“Rey.” Finn and Poe hadn’t spoke, but the monster had. Rey felt her heart drop a thousand feet as Finn sank two syringes into Ben’s skin. The monster shuddered, buckled, and then fell to the ground passed out.  

* * *

 

When Ben had heard that he nearly attacked Rey last night, he needed some time alone. He was crying when Rey knocked on the door and opened it. “Go away,” He said.  

“Respectfully, my King I don’t think it would be in your best interest if I did that.” She said. “You need to dry your tears, there is no reason to cry. I am not dead. I am not even injured. I am not a frail maiden made of glass, you need not feel guilty.” He turned to her.  

“You don’t get it.”  

“I do get it,” Rey said, “I get that you hate hurting people. That’s an admirable thing. It really is, but I am okay. I’ve survived far worse.”  

If she knew the pain that it brought him, she would know that these words still wouldn’t soothe his pain, because she  could ever imagine. She was his first friend, his confidante, and the only girl he was sure that he would ever love. “Don’t pretend to know what it feels like.”  

“Then tell me what it feels like!” She was clearly exasperated. Thinking that he was being overdramatic. “Tell me what’s wrong, Ben. You are not alone, I am your general and your friend you should be able to tell me what it is like. Tell me.” He stared at her, taking in her beauty. Rey had always been terrifying, had always been beautiful, but when she admitted she cared it was even scarier. It meant that she was scared too. 

“I care for you,” He regretted saying it the second that it came out of his mouth. Rey must’ve not have understood what he said because she said,  

“I care for you too, Ben. I think we already knew this.” Right. She didn’t have the same feelings for him. She didn’t know. He blinked several times and said,  

“I will gather myself in the next few minutes. Just wait for me and then we can attend to things that need attending to.” Rey nodded and left. He found himself kicking himself even more than when he started.  

* * *

“Will you dance for me?” Kylo asked Rey. Long tufts of cloth were coming down from the top of the ceiling. Rey had smiled when he asked her. Something burned in her when she was asked of that. “I know that you’ve been practicing. You learn fast. I want to see what you’ve learn so far.” Rey grinned, staring at the scar on his face, her eyes trailing up to her eyes.  

“Sure,” Rey said. “What will I get out of it?”  

Kylo barked out some dark laughter after she said that, “Rey Kenobi, always thinking about the reward.”  

“I don’t dance for free,” She was still smiling, “not for a private audience. Even if it’s someone as special as you.” Rey and Kylo were seventeen and eighteen at that point. They hadn’t quite acted on anything but everyone knew that they were in love with each other. Even if they could never be together in the end.  

“I’ll kiss you.” Rey was burning red when he said that. “Is that a good enough prize?” Rey didn’t answer, just went over to do her dance. She was good, too. Rey was determined to master everything that she put her mind to, and when Kylo danced she wanted to make sure that it was as good as possible. When she was done and, on the ground, Kylo came out to meet her.  

Even then he was dressed in all black, almost looking like a looming black mass of shadow from far away. He held his hand out for her and she took it. “You’re amazing.” He told her. “My ruthless soldier, my Rey.” Rey giggled as his eyes travelled, he always looked at her like he was going to devour her whole. She loved it and hated it at the same time, it scared her so much. That’s when he kissed her for the first time, and Rey felt like part of her was drunk.  

She always had this weird buzz when she was around Kylo. It was the same as the feeling she got when she wore a necklace or bracelet with the power to be able to amplify her powers, her strength was tenfold around him.  

* * *

Rey and Ben were quiet as they looked through papers and documents that Ben needed to look at in the library. It was quiet and peaceful and Rey had a hot cup of coffee next to her. It was times like these that Rey appreciated most. They were a good team, they didn’t need to talk to be able to know what the other wanted. Passing each other papers and things like that.  

Ben seemed to have come to his senses and calmed down, which Rey was grateful for. She wasn’t really sure how to deal with him when he was super emotional. She hated the fact that she didn’t know how to calm him down anymore. It was harder when she was broken too.  

She didn’t tell him about the fact that the monster had spoken to her.

She knew that that would terrify him even more. She kept thinking of the moment that he had spoken to her, until he spoke. “I have something to ask of you and I feel like I am going to override your response either way.”  

“What is it?”  

“We have intel that uh, some Grisha women have been taken captive and taken to a factory in Hoth.” Rey’s blood started to boil already. “I want to send a team over there to get them, but it has to be a small operation. It can’t be something big because Hoth and Corellia are already on thin ice.” 

“You’re going to ask me if I want to go,”  

“And I know the answer is yes.” He said. “But I am going to override it. I’m going to say no.” Rey went cold, and stared at him. “Rey, I need you here. Especially when we don’t know how to cure this affliction that I have.” Him mentioning the monster didn’t stop her from being mad. She got up from her seat and asked him for leave to go check on the inner wall. She needed to breathe.  

 

* * *

It seemed no matter what happened, Ben could only mess up. Somehow, Oksana and several other of the smaller girls had gotten picked for this mission, and Rey was pissed beyond belief. That night she was strapping him in and she didn’t say anything, even when he tried to make some jokes to lighten the mood.  

Ben had only seen her this mad when Kylo had first betrayed them, and he didn’t think that he would ever achieve this sort of thing from her. He hated the thought that he made him mad. He didn’t want that to happen. Rey would calm down though. He would not comfort her. He remembered when they were both out watching Kylo had first betrayed them, and he didn’t think that he would ever achieve this sort of thing from her. He hated the thought that he made him mad. He didn’t want that to happen. Rey would calm down though. He would not comfort her. He remembered when they were both out watching Kylo’s army wreak havoc on Corellia.  

He had asked her why she was being so mean to him earlier that day and she looked him dead in the eye and said, “You and I do not exist to give each other comfort. We exist to keep each other soldiering on. We don’t have any other option.” She hated it when other people had tried to comfort her.  

She always felt like people were pitying her. She was done with the last strap when she grabbed the sedative. “Two drops this time.” She told him. “Any more could kill you.”  

“You’d love the chance.” She smirked a little at that, looking at him warily.  

“You’re the one in chains, I would be careful of what you say.” He loved Rey. He was also terrified of her.  

“Oh I know, but you think me too handsome to kill.” Rey rolled her eyes and told him to open his mouth. The drops fell into his mouth and this time he couldn’t even fight it. He was asleep before he could see if Rey had stood there and watched him slip under. 


	5. Sometimes We Really Don't Want the Things that We Say We Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben tries to be a hero.

**_One Month Ago_ **

The air hung heavy with the decision that Ben had made. Rey was not allowed to go outside of castle walls when there were so many pilgrims around. So many pilgrims that worshipped her as a saint, thinking that she was made a martyr three years ago, but she insisted on going. She wanted to make sure that Ben was okay. She also wanted to make sure that Ben got nowhere close to Snoke, although they had not secured a meeting with him, Rey knew just how dangerous that man should be. “I should have killed him when I had the chance.” She muttered to herself as she and Ben rode in the coach together.  

“What?” She blinked and turned to him.  

“What?” She repeated back to him. He didn’t know that she had met Snoke before. He didn’t know that Snoke was indirectly responsible for the down spiral of Kylo Ren. “Nothing. Anyways, if anything goes wrong, if the priest that we’re visiting threatens to kill you I’m putting a bullet in his head and you can’t stop me.”  

“Trust me.” Ben said. “I’m not going to judge you if you do.” Rey nodded, glad that for once, the both of them were on the same page about something. She really didn’t want this to happen.  

* * *

Rey was still struggling through the pain of losing Kylo when the war was going on. Ben had come back, per Rey’s request. He was ready to rally behind her. Leia, Rey, and Han were discussing things softly in the strategy room when he had opened the doors and came back. Rey looked like she had been crying for a while. The first thing she did was run to hug Ben has hard as she could. After a minute of Ben being shocked at the fact that Rey was hugging him, she pushed herself off of him and composed herself.  

“Thank you for being here.” Her voice went cold. She wouldn’t look at him. That was the first day that Ben was sure that part of her had just turned off. She thought that she was safer this way. That she wouldn’t get hurt.  

* * *

 

**_Present_ **

Why did it prick Rey’s pride when she saw Ben gaining the attention of other girls? It was something that she had pushed for, even wanted him to do. She had organized this whole thing for him to take a wife. For the good of the country, she had told herself.  

The good of the country always came first.  

She should be happy that he was finally listening to what she had asked of him, but still, it brought up something strange in her stomach as she thought of the consequences of pushing as hard as she did for such a thing to happen.  _ Are you really ready to give your boy King up so easily? _

* * *

**_One Month Earlier_ **

 

Ben had told Paige and Rose about what happened, when he admitted his feelings for Rey. Both of them had burst out laughing, and then quickly went quiet when they realized that Ben was serious. Rose was working on some foreign papers for some refugees when she looked up and said, “Oh you poor, poor man.” 

Paige rolled her eyes. “It’s Rey, of course it flew over her head. I’m not sure that girl even is interested in anyone ever. Her sexuality is serving her country.” 

Rose snorted, “Yeah, although she really loved Kylo.” 

“And he looks the exact same, but is a better person, so I think that she should be capable of loving Ben too.” 

“True,” Rose said. “She just… needs time.” 

“Are you sure?” Ben asked. “Kylo destroyed her.” 

“No he didn’t.” Paige said. “Don’t give him that kind of power. That makes everything else pointless.” 

* * *

Rey was fairly more focused than she had been before. She liked being out and going on missions, Ben could tell that. That’s one of the reasons he conceded to letting Paige disguise her to go outside the castle walls with him to visit the priest. He had hoped that this would earn him a little more forgiveness for accidentally sending Oksana away. He knew how important the kid was to Rey, despite the fact that the girl had a mean streak.  

“Remember, Rey. Now is not the time to express opinions.”  If someone said something stupid, Rey was almost guaranteed to want to fight them. In a place filled with pilgrims that thought that his brother should be worshipped as a saint, he was worried for the health of the pilgrims. Rey, even without her power, was the strongest person that he knew.  

Truly, a woman to be feared.  

Rey and Ben got out of the coach, and Ben felt a sense of dread run through his stomach at the moment. He tried his best to hide it. Now was a time for arrogance. Confidence even. He had a plan, even if Rey didn’t trust it. He would make sure that it worked. For the good of the kingdom. Ben watched Rey stare at the pilgrims uneasily. He heard someone preaching, saw someone waving their arms empathically. And that’s when he spoke up.  

“Interesting religious theories, you have there. Mitaka.” Everyone went quiet. Many people were familiar with the voice of the King. Rey rolled her eyes when she heard some dramatic gasps. Mitaka was struggling to figure out what to say as the crowd parted. “Go on, I wanted to hear a sermon.”  

“I’m not a toy for your amusement, King.” He was trying to stand his ground but it was already clear to Rey that this man was all bark and no bite. She was not impressed by him. She wanted to go home, but she also wanted to stay and see how much of a fool that Ben would make out of this man. She lived for moments like this.  

* * *

Flouncy bachelorettes, masquerades, sweets and charades were all things that Rey did not care for. She watched Ben interact with other women for about thirty minutes before giving the excuse that she was bored and going to check on security. No one thought anything of it when Rey had left, and she was glad that no one bothered to check on her for once. She kept walking, stopping at her room to change back into her normal clothes and a big coat before continuing to leave the palace.  

She wasn’t supposed to be outside of the gates. People thought that she was dead. She was supposed to keep up her charade, and usually she was willing to do just that. But something had possessed Rey to keep going, until she ended up at the grave of the man that she loved. She stopped and fell before it.  

Rey had never been much of a one for praying, but tonight with the moon out and the wind howling like wolves, something told her that she should. “I don’t know if you’re in the great afterlife,” Rey said, “or if you’re ghost is wandering the plains restlessly, but I want to tell you that I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop everything that’s happening now from happening. I should’ve killed Snoke for you, I should’ve made sure that he wouldn’t do what he’s doing now.”  

Before Kylo had went insane, he told Rey that if the power had ever gotten to his head, if the darkness had ever gotten to his head, she was to kill him without any mercy. She took that to heart, even though she didn’t know how much grief it would cause her in the long run.  “I don’t know if you remember this, but you used to write to me every day, even though we were in the same castle and you could see me often. I just wanted to let you know that that always meant a lot to me. So, thank you for that,” She wasn’t sure what else she should tell him.  

“You’re here grieving when you should not be.” Her very being ran cold when she heard that. The voice of her dead boyfriend culminated in the very graveyard that he was in. Rey looked around, trying to find the source of the voice. Everything seemed darker than it should be, but no one was around her. “I won’t harm you, I cannot be in this world for a very long time.” Rey felt like she was going to throw up. “Alas, perhaps you were drawn here for a reason. Take a closer look at my grave.”  

Rey got up and backed away, thoroughly ready to bolt. But then she calmed herself down, and looked at the ground of Kylo’s plot. It had been recently upturned. Someone had been digging there.  

Someone dug up Kylo Ren’s body. 

* * *

Rey wished that she was going to make sure no one hurt Ben, but it seemed that this time that his plan really worked. Ben Solo had come prepared to talk, which was something that Mitaka allowed. Rey watched as he smooth talked Mitaka under the table, and then threatened him shortly after. That was something that sparked something in Rey that she didn’t know how to describe, all she said was that she liked it. “If you try anything,” Ben had told Mitaka, “I’ll have my sniper that’s perched out two rooftops take you out. He’s a very good shot.”  

“I doubt that you’re stupid enough to make me a martyr, everyone else will see that I am innocent.” Mitaka seemed so nervous, Rey wondered why he was someone with such a fragile ego could lead such a crowd of people. It was preposterous.  

“No, you see, he’s positioned in such a way that when he hits you, he’ll graze me in the neck and fall down on the ground rather dramatically. You’ll be hit and my general will declare that you hired a rather shoddy assassin. I’ll be completely innocent in this and no one would ever believe that the crown would take out an innocent man,” Mitaka looked like he wanted to throw up, but Rey was elated. This is when the good stuff happened.  

“You would never,”  

“Would you like to try?” Ben cocked his head to the side. Mitaka backed down almost immediately. 

“No,” He was quiet in his response, and Rey smirked.  

“Good, then let’s talk about what’s going to happen. I want you to join us at the castle.”  

“What?” Rey couldn’t help herself. 

“While I know that you are concerned for our safety, I think that we will be fine, General. He will be our guest.” This was just going to piss Rey off more and more by the moment. She was going to remind herself that she had to slap Ben later on.  

“I am not someone so easily sold,” 

“Remember who I have on the roof,” Ben shrugged. “Your choice.” He ended up agreeing, which was a big shocker. 

* * *

 

Rey didn’t know how long that she was gone but it was long enough that people were concerned. Rey made her way to Ben’s bedroom where he was waiting. “Where the hell had you been?” Rey rolled her eyes and just went over to his shackles. She waited for him to get in. “Rey, you were supposed to be there.” 

“I really don’t have the time to do this.” Rey said. “I’m only here to put you in bed.” 

“Rey,” Ben was mad. He was rarely mad. Especially with her. “What happened? Where did you go?” Part of her wanted to tell him that someone had dug his brother’s grave up, that she was sure for a second that she interacted with Kylo in some form. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel about it, but the different array of feelings that she had made her feel nauseous. 

“I’m not one for dancing,” She told him, “am I not allowed to go when I need to go? You let me have breaks all the time, maybe this time I actually needed it.” Or maybe she hated seeing all those blonde girls in pretty dresses laugh obnoxiously loudly at everything Ben said. “How did the first night of the Festival go?” That was when Ben deflated. 

“Awful,” He said, “none of them are…” 

“Your type.” 

“Right,” 

“Well suck it up, you need an heir. Now get in bed.” He did. 

“Aren’t there others?” 

“There are, we can find them if you want.” 

“To be honest I am pretty sure that no one else would be my type.” 

“And why’s that?” She locked the first shackle. She watched his adam’s apple bob. 

“My type isn’t flouncy blonde who only expects to make babies and have affairs with other men.” Rey raised an eyebrow as she got the next shackle. “And I’m pretty sure the disagreements would only end up with more enemies than allies.” 

“And what is your type?” 

“Girls with a purpose,” He said. The third one clicked, once, twice, three times and was locked. “Ones who don’t need validation from others, who don’t need to be kind. Ruthless ones who are beautiful and strong.” 

“Interesting,” Rey was becoming alarming aware of what he had said the other day.  _ “I care for you,”  _ She was blushing, her hands started to shake and she hated that. She finished the rest of the chains and straps and went to get his sedative. 

“I want them to go home.” He said. 

“This early?” 

“Yes.” 

“Give it one more day.” She hated that she told him that.

“One more day,” He said. “And then they will be told politely to leave.” 

“Yes.” 

* * *

“When will you tell me what you’re going to do before you do it?” Rey’s voice was tight as Ben got in the coach car next to her. “Because I am pretty sure that this is the worst idea that you’ve ever had and I was there when you tried to ram Kylo’s ship through with your ship, which was smaller than his.” She was mad, he understood why.

“You would’ve never agreed to it.” She rolled her eyes. 

“Of course I would’ve never agreed to it. It’s a stupid idea, and you know that it’s a stupid idea. To think any less of it would be —” 

“Stupid.” Ben said. 

“Yes,” Rey hissed. “Stupid. He could put us at risk, he could put you at risk.” 

“Do you trust me, Rey?” Rey fell silent, and Ben knew what that answer was. The answer was no. It wasn’t personal, Rey just didn’t trust anyone. Maybe that’s why she didn’t cry when Kylo had betrayed her. Maybe that’s why she didn’t cry when she killed him, or after she lost her powers. “I know what I’m doing. For once.” This was the one thing that felt right since the monster had taken over. He felt like he had to do this. 

“The man knows more than he’s letting onto, and he’ll be put on close watch here at the castle. Everyone will be safe. We need to know the inner workings of these people right now. They think that we’re taking Mitaka in under the guise of considering Kylo a saint.” Rey was about to open her mouth to say something when he continued, “Which he won’t be by the way, I know that it would start a holy war under your name and that’s really not something that either of us need. But he knows things. You couldn’t hear everything that he was saying, but he knows a lot about my brother and his powers. What if he knows about the curse and how to find a cure for it?” That thought hadn’t come through Rey’s mind at this point. 

“What if you’re placing too much faith in someone that supported a monster like you’re brother?” 

“Maybe I am.” Ben had a grimace on his face. Maybe he was hoping that Rey would agree with him after he made this argument. “When that happens you get to say I told you so. For now, he is a necessary evil.” 

“If you say so, My King.” She was really mad. She didn’t say anything for the rest of the ride home and the rest of the ride home as well. She would understand soon though, Ben needed to find a cure. Every day he found himself struggling to keep his humanity. His mind deteriorated and it was harder to pay attention, harder to be patient and make decisions. This primal anger and hunger that only an animal had was threatening to come over him. 

The pull to the darkness was calling, and it was getting stronger each day. Kylo had always been somewhat cruel, but he never knew that he was capable of torturing his own brother in such a way. 

* * *

When Rey entered the war, she had been in denial about Kylo’s betrayal. But it was here now when he put an amplifier around her neck and tried to control her. She stayed in the palace with Ben and Han and Leia, she would be of more use there. She was out of the way out of Kylo and this way she couldn’t be used like a weapon. 

Until the fateful night the castle was attacked, everything was burning, and what had been a happy feast ended with Han dead and everyone else fleeing. It was then that Rey had been scared. Kylo saw that only Ben was in the room with her. “I trust that I don’t need to tell you that you are to come with me.” She felt a pull towards him, and her body betrayed her. She took a step forward. She didn’t want to take a step forward. 

“Rey, you don’t need to follow him.” Ben said. His voice was quiet and even. Rey let out a pathetic whimper and took another step forward. This was the man she loved, trying to do his best to use her as a weapon. She felt like she wanted to throw up. She took another step forward.

Kylo held out his hand. “That’s it.” He said. “Please.” He knew how to manipulate her. How to make her feel bad for him. One more step forward, and then she was pushed to the floor and to the side. She looked up to see Ben forcing a cudgel in his brother’s face. Kylo seemed confused, but not alarmed.

“Get away from her,” He said. “You’ve already done enough damage.” 

“Interesting, do you really think that you could kill me? You’re weak.” He dropped his hand to the side and Rey didn’t look at him. She couldn’t bare to look at him now. She was the one who was weak and she hated it. 

“Just go, Kylo.” 

“Not without her,” 

“Not without going through me.” That was the wrong thing to say. It was then that Kylo flexed his fingers and unleashed darkness on him like it was nothing. Rey watched as Ben screamed in agony and doubled over, morphing into something else. The monsters that Kylo had created as his army. Rey wanted to scream but she was in her place. She couldn’t do anything about this. 

She should have been stronger, should have been able to help him, but she was not. 

Rey Kenobi was scared out of her mind, seventeen and helplessly heartbroken. She watched her closest friend die that day, when she watched Ben turn, and part of her wondered if she would ever really get him back. 


	6. Chapter 6

 

Rey knew that Ben was an idiot, but letting Mitaka into the castle only solidified that. “I hate this.” Rey whispered to Finn. She had said that a few times in the past hour. “This is the worst thing ever.”  

 

“I know,” Finn agreed. Ben and Mitaka were talking, and Mitaka was looking increasingly worried. He was a coward, that was for sure. It would be so easy to just drag her dagger across his soft white neck and watch him bleed out on the table in front of him. That would be inhospitable though.  _ I would never make weak decisions like this.  _ Rey felt like someone was touching her shoulder, but no one was there behind her.  

 

Something told her that she was about to get into something very, very bad and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. “What do you think they’re talking about?” She asked. 

 

“Probably something to do with Ben’s affliction.” He told her. “I have a sneaking suspicion that the Priest might know more about what’s going on with him than we do. Being that he idolizes Kylo so much.” That thought sent chills through her spine.  

 

“I don’t get how anyone can idolize that man.”  _ You did once. “ _ He’s a monster,” She felt a pain tear through her shoulder. “I need to go. Can you hold down the fort?”  

 

“Yeah, you okay?”  

 

“Yeah,” Rey lied, “just tired.” Rey went out into the hallway before he could ask her anymore questions. She really didn’t want to talk about anything right now. There was so much going on in her head. Rey was fairly certain that she was going insane. The voices in her head, the phantom touches, the darkness being manipulated in front of her.  

 

The darkness being manipulated in front of her.  

 

Everything was way too dark for this hallway in the daylight, all of the windows looked like they were being blocked. Rey looked behind her to see three shapes of people standing there, waiting. She turned back around to see three more people waiting there. This was not going to end well. If Rey had her powers, she wouldn’t be scared. Now she was, very, very afraid.  

 

She did not scream though. Rey refused to scream. 

* * *

 

_ “We belong together,”  _

 

_ “I hate you.”  _

 

_ “I give you power.”  _

 

_ “I don’t care. I hate you.”  _

* * *

 

A mass of shadow crashed through one of the tempered glass windows, and Ben instantly wondered where Rey was. He should have known that there was a risk to this. Rey told him that there was a risk to this. “Rey!” He called out. 

 

Chaos was unfolding before him.  

* * *

 

One of those things sunk its teeth into Rey’s shoulder, another stabbed her. Rey struggled to get them off her and then started to run. She didn’t know where she was running, she just ran as fast as she could. The commotion going on around her ceased to exist. Some of the kids from the Academy had seen what was going on, a burst of flame momentarily separating Rey from the darkness that was chasing her.  

 

They could see her from outside. They were trying to help her. That made her feel safe for a few more seconds before she had was cornered in another tower. The darkness manifested as many beings, and came for her. It grabbed her, and Rey remembered falling out the window.  

* * *

 

“ _ That hate can fuel you, you can be like me.” Kylo had told her. He stared at her like he expected her to agree, like he expected her to help him plunge the world into darkness. That wasn’t what she wanted. He talked about wanting a new world for their kind, but he was not loyal to them. He didn’t actually care.  _

 

_ If they disagreed with him he killed them like cattle, and Rey had to watch. She wished that she could just find Ben and take the demon out of him, wished that they could go back to the time when things weren’t so complicated and she was studying at the castle.  _

 

_ Wishing would get her nowhere though.  _

 

_ It was a useless pass time.  _ _ I never want to be like you.”  _

 

_ “You will want to be like me, soon.”  _

 

_ “I’d rather be like your brother.” That was the wrong thing to say. “He’s a good man.”  _

 

_ “He was a good man, he’s a man no longer.”  _

* * *

 

Ben saw her fall through the window. He didn’t know what to do, he started panicking. She was going to die from that fall, there was no doubt about it. Everything seemed to happen so slow, Ben looked back, saw shadows flickering at his heels. 

 

Then he turned. At first, he thought that the demon had leapt straight from his body and into action.  

* * *

 

The demon did not think.  

 

It just did.  

 

The demon did not have any connections.  

 

The demon did not have any relationships.  

 

It just consumed.  

 

But the demon flew straight for Rey. 

 

It dragged her back to the castle.  

* * *

 

 

“It’s me. It’s me.” Finn looked like he was about to deck him. “It’s me.” The both of them quickly turned their attentions to Rey, she was bleeding and unconscious. “Call Paige,” Ben told Finn, “have her come here and then take Mitaka to the dungeons. Have Poe make sure that everyone is okay.”  

 

Finn left to do what he said, and Ben tried to push the fact that he had turned in broad day light in the back of his mind. He put his hands over Rey’s wounds, trying to make sure that she didn’t bleed anymore.  

 

He was pretty sure that that wasn’t going to  help very much. Rey’s skin was pale and her breath was shallow. “Come on, Rey. Stay with me. Please. Stay with me. I can’t do this without you.” Her eyes fluttered momentarily, and their eyes connected.  

 

“Ben?” Her voice was hoarse and she was pained.  

 

“Hey, ssh. Help is on the way, Rey. We can talk later.”  

 

She coughed a little bit and tried to get up, and then winced and laid back down. “I told you this was a bad idea.”  


	7. Not a happy ending

Rey was up and walking way before she should have been. Ben saw her up and around in the infirmary three hours after the attack happened. He went to tell her to lay back down and she rolled her eyes, bristling when he told her to do so. “I told you that inviting the priest in here was a bad idea.” 

“He knew nothing of the attack. We’ve been interrogating him for hours and trust me, he doesn’t know.”  

“Doesn’t mean it wasn’t a bad idea?”  

“Can you please, at least sit down, Rey?”  

“I don’t know why everyone is making such a big deal out of nothing, so what I fell out a window? You saved me.” She stared at him for a minute before changing the subject. “How did you do that by the way?”  

“I don’t know.”  

“Perhaps you’re learning to control him.”  

“No,” Ben said, “I didn’t call him. I didn’t want him there, I just froze.” Rey was silent a long time before she said something.  

“You spoke to me.”  

“What?”

“That night on the roof, you spoke to me. You said my name perfectly.” That made Ben feel more nauseous than anything else.  

“Why didn’t you tell me this?”  

“It didn’t matter,” Rey said, “plus I was still scared shitless that I was going to fall.”  _ I was scared of you. “ _ The thing that scared me so much is the fact that it didn’t sound like you.”  

“Well I mean, the demon and I are not the same, Rey.”  

“It sounded like him. Like he was using you as a puppet and laughing at me. And I just can’t escape him, Ben. He’s everywhere, the darkness, the grave.”  

“What’s this about a grave?” His head was spinning.  

“Kylo’s grave was dug up.”  

“That would have also been useful information, Rey.”  

“It’s not like you would’ve done anything!” She snapped at Ben. He flinched, Rey didn’t really ever yell at him, and she certainly never cried when she was doing so. “All you have done since you have become King is be an indecisive mess, you’ve ignored and disregarded my decisions, made me feel like you disrespected my rank and experience, and disregard your duties to find an ally and an heir! So, excuse me if I thought that it would be best to keep this to myself.”  

Ouch.  

Ben didn’t know if she was saying this because she was stressed out or telling him the truth. “I have babied you and coddled you for three years and no one has stopped to ask me, hey Rey, are you okay? Not until I get stabbed and thrown out a window. No one stops to think, is blatantly disregarding Rey’s opinion on a situation going to hurt her feelings? Make her feel disrespected as a General.”  

“Rey, please -” She looked like she was going to panic.  

“I need to get out of here, I can’t breathe.”  He let her go. When Ben was a kid and used to get panic attacks, Rey was the only one that let him have the space he needed to calm down. He let her have that same privilege. She would be okay, he shouldn’t let his anxiety dictate the situation. No one was able to find Rey for hours, and Finn had to lock him up for bed.  

Rey was there in the morning though to unlock him. She was silent and looked tired. Ben didn’t know what to say. “Hey,” He said.  

“Hey.” Rey was always good at concealing her emotions, except for right now.  

She was still upset from last night. “I’m sorry for what I said.” She unlocked the first cuff. 

“No you’re not.” He told her. He wasn’t mad. “You’re never upset about telling people the truth. Even if it hurts.” She tried her best to smile, but it wasn’t convincing in the slightest. “And I know it’s true. I’m not a good King, I never thought about ruling a Kingdom and I never really cared about any of the stuff that you cared about.” She unlocked the second cuff and started on the straps. “And I know that I should. I know that I need to start caring about that stuff, but everything’s been so messed up that it just sucks.”  

“Okay,” Rey said. Ben sat up. “It’s okay, you have a lot on your plate.” The demon. It was always there.  

“It’s not. It really isn’t. And about the ally stuff, I know that I need to find a wife but the reason I delayed it so long is because for the longest time I have been in love with you and I never knew how to say it. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, and if you don’t I understand but I just need you to tell me so that I can move on.” Rey blinked.  

“This is too much right now,”  

“I get if you don’t feel that way.”  

“I need to go check on the barracks.” She was about to get up when Ben followed her.  

“No, I’m tired of dancing around the subject. We need to address it now. Please.” Rey turned around.  

“What do you want me to say?” Was the mention of love so ridiculous to Rey that she needed to get away from him? Or was she still not over Kylo and feeling guilty. “What can I say, Ben? I really don’t know how you just expect me to answer that after you spring that question on me.”  

“Tell me the truth.” It was what she was so good at. 

There was a long bout of silence between the two of them. “You want the truth, Ben?” She shuffled a little bit. The cape that she had been wearing since yesterday still had blood on it.  

“I have feelings for you too but that means nothing, you need an ally and I want you to stop disrespecting my calls on decisions I make. I know that you are the King and have the last say, but I am your General, and I have more military experience than you. Brushing things off like it’s nothing ends like what happened yesterday.” His head was reeling. He didn’t know what he expected. Something more romantic or something more tragic, perhaps. “Do you understand me?”  

“You have feelings for me,”  

“Of course, that’s the only thing you hear,” Rey said. “Ben, listen to me. We cannot be together. There’s a kingdom to run and you’re the King. You respect me doing my job, alright? Thank you.” 

This was definitely not the happy ending that he wanted. He should have expected this reaction from her though, and he should have figured out a way to fix it. He found him hating himself a little more that day. Wishing that he had kept everything to himself. He knew that he could fix it though. 

He would fix this.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

For once, Ben listened to Rey on more than one account. He got a girl and she was pretty. That was about her only redeeming quality, because of course it was. Bazine kept trying to get Rey to be her personal assistant, and when Rey refused to lower herself to do what Bazine told her to she would suffer hours of verbal abuse. She didn’t get time to talk to Ben anymore because of Bazine either.  

That was fine, because Ben okayed almost every motion that she wanted to put into motion. It helped the economy stay afloat and they were getting a bunch of gifts from other nations, praising Ben for being such a good King. Little did they knew that Rey was the one that was basically calling the shots at this time.  

Rey still locked him up at night, but neither of them talked anymore. She could tell that Ben hated it. She wouldn’t let this bother her though, this was exactly what she wanted. She couldn’t take it back now. 

* * *

**_Two Months Later_ **

The cave below the church was dark and damp and Rey had been there before. She should have been more alarmed than she was. Her heart was beating in her chest and she thought that if she had come here with her powers she would be braver. She didn’t have them though.  

She was weaker. 

“Ah, Rey.” She could hear Snoke’s voice from downstairs as she went downstairs. Ben wasn’t here. She would be able to fight without having to be able to worry. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I was beginning to think that you might actually be dead along with Kylo.”  

“Didn’t know that you cared, Snoke.” Rey gripped her dagger at her side. She knew it wouldn’t work if she had to fight.  

“I wish you had,”  

“Shame.” She said. “You know me, I live to disappoint.” 

* * *

“I wanted to talk to you.” Rey had the misfortune of being caught in the hallway with Bazine.  

“Respectfully, Miss Netal I have things-”  

“I know you’re secret.”  

“What?” For a second, Rey thought she meant about Ben’s affliction.  

“I know that you have feelings for my fiancé.”  

“Excuse me.” Oh. “I see the way you two look at each other, and I will have you put to death-” 

“You have no power here,” Rey smiled. “And I can reassure you that I have no feelings for your soon to be husband. I just hope that you love and cherish him the way that he deserves to be cherished.” She felt like she was going to be sick just talking to this woman.  

“Oh you bitch,” It was cartoonish how jealous she got.  

“Let me make this clear, Miss Netal. I’m married to my job and nothing else. Ben Solo is my friend, he’s been my friend since I was eight years old and you can’t stop that. I know that you being here is very helpful for our two countries but I don’t think that much of you and I am not scared of you. You will not intimidate me, so stop trying.” Rey got closer to her.  

“Or you’ll arrive back at your country missing a few teeth.”  

* * *

**_Two Months Later_ **

**_“_ ** She did what?” Ben roared.  

“Sir, she wanted to know where Snoke was.” Mitaka was trembling in his cell. He had lost a lot of weight. He had bruises and scars all over his body too. “Please, just don’t kill me.”  

“She went without backup?”  

“Yes.”  

“Tell me the location.”  

* * *

“Why did you want to meet with me today?” Rey asked.  

“Because, I saw you that night. You were praying above Kylo’s grave.” Rey’s breath hitched. She wondered if the delusions that she thought she had were because of him. “Poor child, grieving for so long. What if I told you you could have him back?”  

“Why would I want him back?”  

“The power he gave you.” Snoke said, “Without you’re weak. I’m sure you felt it Rey, the sickness already crawling in your bones. The death of a mortal coming closer and closer to you.” Rey knew that something was wrong. She had been tired all the time. She wanted to cry a lot. She pushed it aside, tried to work through it and ignore it, she wasn’t really sure that she could though.  

Something tapped her and Rey turned around.  

“Kylo?”  

“In the flesh.”  

* * *

Someone grabbed her wrist as she walked to the throne room, it was Ben. It had been awhile since the two of them talked, so this was a little off to her. “Hey,”  

“What?”  

“I just heard what Bazine said to you the other day and that’s not okay.” He told her. “I told her that if she wanted to stay, she would treat you with respect. Hopefully she does.”  

“I’ve dealt with worse,” Rey tried to give him a smile but at this time he could see right through her.  

“I know, that doesn’t make it okay though.”  

“Thank you for caring.”  

“That’s literally the only thing I seem to do well.”  

“Oh please,” Rey rolled her eyes.  

“Are you okay?” He asked her.  

“Just wishing that I had my powers.” Rey said. “I’ve been tracking the rescue team that was supposed to get those girls, and they haven’t come back yet. I want to go out and find them and make sure that they’re okay.” She missed them, she hated the feeling of not knowing where some of those kids were. 

“I know,” He said, “we need you here.”  

“Yeah,” Rey said. “You say that a lot.”  

“Because I need you, and your powers aren’t the thing that makes you strong. You are just a strong person, you don’t need the approval of anyone and that’s what’s so amazing about you. The storm, the light, they don’t make you who you are. The storm is inside you, Rey.”  

“I’m going to go.”  

* * *

**_Two Months Later_ **

Ben took Finn and Poe with him. He told them to wait as he went to find Rey. That was a bad idea.

* * *

 

He was really there in front of her, but he looked different. An inky blackness was dripping off of him and his skin was paler than usual. Kylo smiled, “It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”  

“I killed you.” Was all that she could say.  

“It would have appeared so, right? I told you to burn my body though.” That’s when she saw the amplifier around his back. Snoke was controlling him. “Whose fault is that?” 

“Hey!” Rey flinched.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. You are such an idiot, Ben.  _ It didn’t seem to stop Kylo from grabbing a hold of Rey and throwing her across the room. She couldn’t do anything to stop it. She hit the wall and nearly blacked out. She was coughing.  

“Oh, hello brother. So glad you could join us.” 

Ben was scanning the room for Rey, apparently, he couldn’t see her though. She stayed down, trying to figure out what the end game of this was. “Unfortunately, you’re not going to be needed for what happens next.” Darkness spilled from Kylo’s fingers and wrapped Ben down. He struggled but couldn’t move.  Rey got up. 

“Hey! This is about me, remember.” She got up, coughed up some blood, but kept walking. “What is this all about?”  

“Rey?” 

“Sit tight.” She told Ben. She turned to Kylo, “So what is this about?”  

Kylo glanced at Snoke, and then back to Rey. Before he could speak his eyes darkened, and he lunged at her. Rey tried to stab him, but it didn’t work. He disarmed her and took the knife, driving it into her shoulder, one, two, three times. Ben was shouting, Rey fell to the floor and struggled. “Shame,” Snoke said, “thought that she would put on more of a show than this.”  

“She usually does,” Kylo said, “she doesn’t have her powers though.” Rey was seeing red, but she stayed down. They wanted to see her desperate. They wanted to see her fight tooth and nail for her life. Maybe she should just take it, this time.  

“And you want to keep her alive? She’s worthless like this.”  

That’s when Kylo had an idea. He walked towards Ben, holding Rey’s knife in his hand. She knew what he was going to do, and she knew why, but Ben had suffered so much pain that she couldn’t let that happened.  Rey got up and charged him, she actually got him off his footing, dodged two blows from the knife that would have been fatal, and he smiled. 

She was sick, just looking at it. “That’s good.” He said. Darkness started to wrap around Rey, and she knew that the fight was over. She couldn’t do anything. She couldn’t save Ben, this was the end. She was going to just give up at this point.  

That’s when she saw Ben. He was in pain. He was scared. 

* * *

“Your General is incredibly rude,” Rey rolled her eyes. They were eating dinner, she just wanted to relax. “Your General is incredibly rude,” Rey rolled her eyes. They were eating dinner, she just wanted to relax.  

“Really?” Ben was eating, “I don’t pay her to be nice, I pay her to tell the truth.”  

“Aren’t you going to punish her for being so rude?”  

“I don’t do that.” Ben said. “And I’m pretty sure that if she was rude to you, you deserved it.” Rey coughed. That was the end of the engagement.  

* * *

Ben was in pain. She had to help him. She couldn’t move though.  _ The storm is in your bones. You are the whirlwind.  _ Rey could feel everything. The water from the reservoir above the cave, the beating of everyone’s hearts, the light and heat coming off the torches. She could hear Poe and Finn running downstairs shouting, she could see them get slammed against the side of the cave wall. All the sudden everything washed away, and all she could taste was power.  

Rey raised her hand and felt the water, pulled it down with all the force that she had in her and smiled when Kylo paused. “Interesting.” That was the last thing he said before the cave was flooded, and the church above them came crashing down.  


	9. ben and rey

When Rey nearly killed everyone, she nearly killed herself in the process. Ben was the first one to escape the wreckage. He was a way away from the church, and the first thing that he did was search for Rey in the wreckage of the underground waterfall that had spit the both of them out. He dragged her out. He didn’t see Finn or Poe, he kept looking but couldn’t find him. He decided that it was best to go back to Rey. He was sopping wet and disoriented, but he knew to check for a pulse. Her heart was still beating, but only so. Ben turned her on her side and popped her on the back a couple of times. Something that he was pretty sure wasn’t the right technique. Rey coughed, and spluttered, and then shot right up. 

“You’re alive,” He smiled, “that’s good.” Rey turned, embracing him. Her blue silks that she had been wearing were soaking wet, like his. The two of them stayed embraced on the side of the shore for a while. He could feel her already warm. She used to be so cold before, when her powers were gone. Now she had some sort of confidence back to her. He liked that. 

“You’re alive,” Rey said, “I’m glad.” 

* * *

 

The monster wasn’t coherent when in this form, but he recognized what was going on. Rey was crying on the ship and it was because of its maker. Its leathery wings expanded but stopped at the iron sides of the cage. It grabbed the sides of bars and shook a little. That got Rey’s attention well enough. 

“I’m sorry,” She said, “I’m pathetic.” She stopped crying and dusted herself off, going over to his cage. “I should have saved you.” She shivered as she touched the side of his cheek. “You shouldn’t have jumped in front of me.” 

She wasn’t scared of the monster. She stuck her hand through the bars, and touched his face. “It’ll be okay,” She said. “I promise. It’ll be okay. Don’t worry now. I’ll save you like you saved me.” 

* * *

 

Rey held onto Ben for the longest time as she tried to recollect all her memories. Finn and Poe. She broke off of Ben and looked around. “I looked for them.” Ben told her,    
“I couldn’t find them.” She nodded and dusted herself up. 

“They can take care of themselves,” Her throat was sore but she felt okay, “We need to figure out where we are and get back to the castle before anything bad happens.” She said. She offered Ben a hand, he stared at him for a minute before accepting it. 

“You got your powers back.” He said. 

“I know,” The way she answered that made her sound like a giddy schoolgirl. She hated how it made her sound but the way she felt was astronomical. Ben smiled, although there was something wrong. 

Rey could tell. “What is it?” she asked him. 

“Nothing, just seeing my brother again was weird to say the least.” She didn’t blame him.

“Let’s not think about it now,” She told him, “thinking about Kylo gives him power.” Her voice grows stronger and stronger by the minute, as does her confidence. She started to walk, taking note of her surroundings. They were in a thicket of wood, far enough away from the palace that she couldn’t see them. 

“Can we stop for a minute?” Ben said. “I’m tired.”

“You have the worst stamina ever.” Rey laughed.

“Well we nearly died, so can you blame me?” 

“I guess not.” Rey said. “Let’s just clear the river and then we can rest for about an hour.” Ben nodded, that was a good deal to him. 

* * *

 

When Ben was little, he idolized Kylo. He thought that Kylo was stronger than him and that he was just all around better than him. Kylo was more confident, Kylo had powers, Kylo had flair. He was everything that Ben wanted to be, and more. It was weird since they were twins, but Ben seemed to have the opposite of his personality no matter how hard they tried. 

Then he got a little bit older, and he heard Kylo insinuate that Rey was a slut. It was the first time that he had ever come across that word, but Kylo had gotten jealous. Rey was a teenager, and more involved in her appearance than she had been when she was a girl. She became more ruthless, didn’t need the opinions of others and that made her all the more beautiful to Ben, and obviously Kylo. And every other man that was in the military academy. 

She turned heads all the time, but she didn’t really look at anyone except for Kylo. It was understandable why that word stung her, why she came to Ben in the middle of his studies, crying harder than he had ever seen her cry. In fact, Rey had never cried in front of him. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked her. And she told him. She told him everything. How Kylo had just burst into anger when some boy was flirting with her, how this wasn’t the first time that that had happened, and how she didn’t get why it was happening. She never had eyes for anyone else but Kylo, but she didn’t know why he was so mean to her sometimes. 

It was then that Ben thought that he had his chance, that he could tell Rey that he loved her, but then he thought about his brother. He thought about the fact that sometimes he was a bit of a dick, he still wanted his brother to be happy, and most of the times Rey brought him happiness. “I’ll talk to him.” He had told her. “Don’t even think about apologizing to him, because you are definitely not a slut, and you are definitely allowed to act any way that you want to act.” 

“You don’t have to defend my honor,” 

“Yeah but Kylo’s being an ass regardless, so I’m going to talk to him.” 

And talk to Kylo he did, Kylo was taking fencing lessons at the moment and intruding on that was rude, but Kylo had his fairshare of time to be rude to other people. Ben was dramatic, as a teenager, and threw him off balance during the midst of a fight. 

“Ben!” His mother shouted. Ben ripped off Kylo’s mask and punched him in the face before Kylo whipped him in the back with the blade. It hurt like shit, due to it’s heavy weight. 

“What is the purpose of this?” Han shouted. 

“Kylo called Rey a slut.” Ben said. He was fuming, and Kylo didn’t say anything. 

“And she sent you to deal with me?” Kylo pushed his brother off of him. “I didn’t think that she would go through such pathetic things.” 

“Kylo, who taught you to use those words with women?” 

“I didn’t say it,” Kylo grunted, “I implied it. It’s her fault. Leading other men on like that.” 

“Oh my god,” Ben rolled his eyes, “I can’t fucking believe you.” 

“Ben! Both of you need to stop.” 

“Apologize to Rey,” Ben said, “and make it genuine. If you don’t-”

“You’ll do what? Fight me? Kill me?” 

“I can fight you right now,” Ben said, “violence doesn’t make you more of a man than me.” He told him. 

“Oh,” Kylo rolled his eyes, “I’m sick of your holier than thou attitude, grab a weapon.” The teacher was just staring blankly at the two bickering brothers. 

“Fine.” Ben went to the rack, grabbing a short sword like blade and waiting as Kylo took off his armor. 

“Can you two stop trying to prove yourself?” 

Too late. Both twins were fuming, and this only ended in duel. That duel was something that Ben was actually doing rather well in until Rey came into the room and shouted, “Kylo and Ben, you better stop this ego competition right now.” He knew that if they hadn’t been in the view of his parents, Rey would be cursing the both of them to hell right now. 

Kylo stopped first. Ben dropped his blade next. Leia had her head in her hands and Han was laughing. Rey walked forward, rolling her eyes hard as she went to the mat. Kylo blurted out, “I’m sorry that I said what I said earlier.” Because of course he did. He would pretend that 

 he wasn’t going to do something or he didn’t know that something was wrong when Ben or his parents called out his actions, but as soon as Rey was there... 

“You can’t treat me like that.” She said. 

“I know.” 

“If you want me to be your friend, you have to be nice.” 

“Right.” He said. 

“If you’re not, I’m not going to talk to you again.” 

“I’d deserve it.” He said. 

“Good.” 

* * *

Rey laid down next to Ben, taking her shoes off and letting them dry. The two of them were silent for a minute. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He told her. “You scared me.” 

“I can take care of myself.” She told him. 

“I know.” He told her. “Still, anxiety. I worry.” 

“You can’t always worry about me.” She said. “I’m your General, I’m going to get in trouble.” 

“Yes, but you’re also my friend. The only person that really knows me.” 

“I’m not very good friend material,” She said. 

“Who told you that?” 

“Myself,” Rey said, “I don’t feel like a good friend all of the time. I’m quick to anger and bitchy.” 

“You are not bitchy,” He said. “You want to know who was bitchy? Bazine, she was bitchy.” The two of them snickered before Rey got quiet. “Something wrong?” He asked her. 

“Nothing,” She said, “I just...I do want you to find someone who’s good for you. After all of this happens. You deserve that.” Ben wanted to say that she would be good enough for him, but he realized now that as long as she was even near him, he would be happy. 

“You know,” Ben said, “I think you’re an excellent friend. You care so much, even if you pretend like you don’t.” The both of them smiled at each other, huddling closer together when a cool breeze drifted through the thicket of wood. “Plus you kick my ass when I need it, I like that a lot.” Rey rolled her eyes. 

“You’re such a suck up.” 

Ben was smiling now, forgetting about his brother. “You bet I am.”


	10. kiss with a fist

“Do you know what you have to do?” Snoke asked  Kylo , or what was left of  Kylo .  Kylo  didn’t answer. He was tired. He was pretty sure he just preferred being dead. “Will you answer me, boy?” 

“Yes, sir.” There was a varying degree of sarcasm in his voice that didn’t escape Snoke.  Kylo  felt the amplifiers around his neck burn with the heat out of a thousand suns and he cried out in pain. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I can take your powers away, boy.” Snoke said. “Just like I brought your life back, I can take it away. Would you want that?” 

“No,” 

“Good, do what you’re asked and be eager to do it.” 

***

“Of all the fucking things to do me in, it’s fucking cold water.” Poe sniffled. They were right outside the kingdom gates, waiting for someone to answer the door. “Let’s just hope that Rey dragged Ben’s ass back here.” 

“Or vice versa.” Finn said. “You know when it comes to  Kylo , Rey gets stupid.” 

“True,” Poe said, “true. Let’s hope that that doesn’t happen this time over though.” 

***

Rey and Ben were holding hands. Rey led him back through the woods as they tried to get back to the castle, and Rey was holding his hand. That seemed like a paradise that Ben would only dream up in his mind, but that was not what was happening right now. 

She gripped his hand tight, smiling the whole time. It was like she had changed into a completely different person, a happy person. Ben loved it. He really did.  Something told him that everything was going to change, and he really didn’t want that. “You okay?” Rey asked. 

“Yeah,” He said, “part of me doesn’t want to go back to the palace though.” 

Rey laughed, then shook her head. “What?” 

“Nothing,” She pulled him further along the path. “Sometimes I just don’t understand you.” 

“What do you mean?” Rey let go of his hand. 

“You don’t want power, money, or the honor of the position you were handed just by being born into the family.” She turned around to see him. “I just don’t know what you want.” 

Ben didn’t know what he wanted anymore either. He used to want the honor, love the rush of fighting and of stealing, he used to sail the seas and be feared despite the fact that he didn’t take a life. Then he had to come home because of his brother, and then he got cursed. 

“To be honest, he’s really weak.” Rey turned to see  Kylo  up the path a little. 

“You again,” She didn’t even sound mad. She didn’t sound half interested in the conversation. “Don’t you know that interrupting conversations is rude?” 

***

_ Rey was in chains. She spent most of her time in one room on  _ _ Kylo’s _ _  ship. He would always try and get her to come up and eat, but she would always refuse. One day she heard him talking to someone though, and she decided that it was time. At first, she heard them talk about mundane things like food supply and fuel for the cannons, but then he started to talk about attacking the palace.  _

_ That’s when Rey opened the door. “That’s not going to work.” She said. “You’re never going to succeed in whatever your plans are.”  _

_ Kylo _ _  smirked when he glanced up at her, “Don’t you know that interrupting conversations is rude?”  _

***

“Sorry, you’ll have to forgive me.” He said. “I was bored just watching you wonder around like helpless sheep.” Ben could see Rey tense. She still didn’t look like she was afraid of him. Maybe it was because she had her powers back. Her confidence was better than it had before. “I wanted to talk.” Ben’s eyes lifted to his brother, to the amplifier around his neck. 

“I would like to have a nap, we don’t always get what we want.” Ben shouted at his brother. 

“I wanted to talk to someone that was actually fun to talk to,”  Kylo  said, “you’re of no consequence to me.” 

Rey put herself in front of Ben, fully this time. “What do you want from me?” She asked him. 

“I was going to give you one chance to join the right side,” His voice dropped and the harsh tone that it had to it was gone. It was the way he used to talk to Rey when he wanted to get her to do something, and he was always successful in doing so too. 

“Rey, don’t do this.” Rey turned back to Ben, she winked, then turned back to  Kylo . That’s when Ben laid on thick.  Kylo  thought that he was pathetic, he would play into that as much as he possibly could without making it too obvious that Rey was up to something. “Rey, Rey please.” He moved forward and she stepped away from him. 

“Ben, just shut up. Please.” 

“Come to me, Rey. Be on the right side of history.” Something in Ben wanted to help his brother still, to lay him to rest finally. As he watched him from over Rey’s shoulder, he started to notice the amplifier around his neck looked like it was welded into his skin.  Kylo  needed to be put to rest. Rey met the distance with Ben’s fake pleas filling up the silence between them. When  Kylo  pulled Rey in, he kissed her. Ben felt repulsed, and he could see the look on Rey’s face, he knew she didn’t want that.

That’s when she stabbed him, twisting the large dagger that she always kept at her hip deep within his stomach. Right where she had stabbed him the first time. She stepped away from him, to both her and Ben’s horror, he wasn’t bleeding. He laughed though. This was amusing to him. He grabbed the knife, dropping it to his side. “Thank you,” He told her, “That’s all I needed.” 

“You need help,” Rey said. 

“Maybe I do.” He shrugged, “But for now, I’ll see you later.”

When he was gone, there was an eerie silence between the two of them. “I think we should get out of here.” Rey said. “I need to wash my mouth.” 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” She nodded. “You?” 

“I’m fine,” 


	11. Chapter 11

The monster was getting worse. The terrors came before the change and Ben screamed and screamed before the change. Each time the monster would lead Ben further and further away from the castle. Rey could track him easier now with her powers, but every time they took a step forward, they took ten steps back. Rey was silent now, trying to think of the best thing to do when Ben finally spoke. 

“I bet you were wishing that you could go back to  Kylo  now.” Rey froze. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” 

“I’m more trouble than I’m worth, I’m pathetic and I’m going to devolve into this monstrous being.” 

“My loyalty is to the King and the King alone. I will not break that loyalty.” Rey was pissed. 

“ Kylo  was the King once, and if I remember correctly, you stabbed him.” 

“ Kylo  was and is a fucking prick, and I didn’t take you for the kind of person who would follow in his footsteps.” Ben swallowed and looked down in between his boots. “Look, I get it, you hate this monster corrupting you, poor you or whatever, but I’m not going to storm off angry by you being an asshole. So shut your mouth and just realize that I’m not abandoning you--” 

“It’s just a matter of time until I hurt you, Rey.” 

“I think I can handle a few scratches from you.” 

“I don’t think I can handle hurting you.” 

“You have plenty of times,” Rey said, “I’m just really good at hiding it.” That biting comment was enough to get Ben to shut up for a long time. The sky was starting to get dark and Rey knew she should head for cover, but she didn’t. She stayed there as the fire crackled. She thought that perhaps this is what  Kylo  wanted. For Rey to be preoccupied with Ben and not go back to the castle. 

You could always take a kingdom back, though. 

You could never bring back a friend that you lost. 

“I wanted to tell you that if this monster consumes me completely, I want you to be the one to kill me.” Rey stared at the fire, not looking up at him. “Rey, please look at me. Tell me you will.”

Rey looked up at him. “Sure.” That was a lie. 

That was one of the biggest lies that Rey had ever told. Something in Ben’s eyes flickered, like he was hurt. Maybe he saw that she was lying to him. She wouldn’t apologize for the fact that she wouldn’t kill him. There were some places that Rey used to be able to go that she couldn’t go too. “If I get consumed by this thing, I want you to know that I still have feelings for you and I don’t blame you for not wanting to get with me. I love you.” 

“Let’s not be so glum,” Rey said. “There’s always options.” 

“What options do we have?” 

***

Finn and Rey were fourteen, studying in the main hall of the Academy when Poe sat down next to them. “You know,  Kylo’s  talking about some real weird shit.” He told the two of them. Back then Rey didn’t like him very much because of the cursing, but the more time she spent around him, the more she adopted Poe’s vocabulary. Poe started recounting the story  Kylo  told him, about the Saints coming back when the time was right. That the Fold in the Earth where Darkness culminated is where they would do it. 

Rey thought it just a harmless fascination of his. 

***

“We’re going to go to the Fold.” She told him matter of  factly . 

“No, we’re really not going to do that.” 

“Yes, we are.” Rey said. “Because we’re already close to the Fold, and that’s where this curse gets its power from.” 

“That’s exactly why we shouldn’t do that. Like, no offense, but I think that’s literally the worst idea that you’ve ever had.” Rey rolled her eyes, even though she knew that it was true.

“Maybe if we find the power that’s in the Fold that’s causing this, we can find the right sort of darkness that will drive it out and cure you.” 

“And how do you suggest we do that?” There were several ways to break curses as strong as the one that was bound to Ben. All of them could end both Rey or Ben’s life. But they had to try. 

“If I told you that I love you would you trust me enough to just follow me?” 

“I’d trust you enough anyways,” It was in times like this that Rey felt extremely bad. Not just for Ben, but for herself. She could just open up and tell him, instead of finding these small ways to let little bursts of feeling out that wouldn’t make her regret it later. She just needed to let him in. She just couldn’t. And it wasn’t because she still felt some loyalty to his brother. 

That bridge had died as soon as he showed up undead and worse than ever. Rey closed her eyes for a moment and then said something she wasn’t sure that she would be able to take back. “I don’t know if  Kylo  is going to start another war, but if he does, I want you to know that you’re the better brother.” 

“Are you sure about that?” It was half joke, half not. 

“I love you,” 

Silence. 

Rey felt something build up in her chest. Everything in her was screaming not to do that. Most of all, she felt so tired. “Even more so than I thought. And it’s not fair.” 

“Rey,” 

“Nightfall is coming soon. I shouldn’t be here right now.” 

“Can’t we talk?” 

“I don’t want to. Right now. So please don’t make me.” 

***

“What is it that you want from me again?” Ben’s nightmares were filled with darkness that he never had the courage to face. Not until now. The darkness flickered, threatening to drown him again as the Monster was about to come back. 

“I think you know what I want from you,” The Darkness said. “Your mind, your heart, your everything.” Chills went down Ben’s spine, but he resisted fear. 

“Brother,” Ben said. “I’m not giving you anything, not anymore.” That’s when the Darkness revealed  it’s  face.  Kylo  looked bad. Worse than he had the last two times that Ben had seen him. Even in his dreams, Ben couldn’t think of a way to make his brother look less sympathetic. “Tell me what’s going on. What did Snoke do to you? I can help.” 

“I’m afraid you can’t.”  Kylo  told him. “It’s amazing you want to help me though, after all I find your suffering so entertaining.” He could fear the false pride in  Kylo’s  voice. Ben did nothing but pity his brother now.  Kylo  noticed that he didn’t flinch anymore. 

“What does Snoke want?” 

“Snoke wants something of yours.” He said. 

“What could I possibly have that he wants?”  Kylo  raised an eyebrow. 

The Kingdom?

Jewels? 

Power?

Rey? 

Rey.

“He wants Rey to produce an heir, if she  doesn’t  he’ll kill her. Not that it matters that I’m telling you this, the Monster will make sure you forget all of it anyways.” Ben opened his mouth to speak but everything was plunged into darkness when the Monster took over.


End file.
